Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
FUCK WHALES
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
