I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
