O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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