I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
