I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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