sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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