yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
