When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just blew my weed a kiss
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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