my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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