these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
