if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
