I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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