your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
