This dress was meant to end up on your floor
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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