got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
