eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
