you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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