seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
