I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
