Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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