question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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