Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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