There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
