until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
