You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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