so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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