the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
