he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
