I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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