So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
