Where is the hickey?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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