My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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