yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
