we made out on top of his cat.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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