Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
