He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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