Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
