then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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