Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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