my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
