if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
