I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
