I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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