guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
