I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
