i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
