He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
