So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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