Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
