i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
