You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
