I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
