nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
